|
"That's my potty...You can cry if you want to." |
|
"I think he's polyplesian." -- (that would be polynesian) |
|
"I think he's part philipinian." -- (that would be filipino) |
|
"It's no-shirt saturday, take off your shirt." |
|
"If a girl puts her trash out at the curb, someone will pick it up." |
|
"Not all stories end with 'And there I stood with a fist full of feces.' " |
|
Rob (after someone suggests kamikaze shots): Don't bring the Japanese into this! |
|
"Where are all the little balls?" |
|
"My back door is open." |
|
"If it doesn't involve drinking or whacking-off, I don't do it." |
|
Lawley: I feel like I should stop.
Lainy: You don't get that feeling often. |
|
"Are you Scottish?" (Declan to Alan, both of whom are Irish.) |
|
Sandi: How long are you staying down?
Rob: 'Til September. |
|
"I go to fat camp during the week." |
| |
"I can't
understand him when he talks." |
|
"I am below germs." |
| |
"The
bathroom smelled like a hamster cage." |
| |
"That's a
small rod you have there." |
| |
"We had so
many quotes but we forgot them all." |
| |
"There's
no shame in my game." |
| |
"I'm smart
until I say something stupid." |
| |
"You give receipts for BJ's?" |
| |
"I don't know how to work it!" |
| |
"We fit your mold." |
| |
Mike: Is that your mom?
Mario: No, that's my girlfriend. |
| |
Christine: What were you using to launch water balloons?
Rob: My water balloon launcher. |
| |
"Please use your indoor hangover voice." |
| |
"It's all administrative." |
| |
"You were replaced with only one lap around the bar." |
| |
Guy: So...what's your sign?
Dar: Do Not Enter. |
| |
"She saw you naked and suddenly I became more attractive." |
| |
"If I did, the head would fall off." |
| |
"The rubber got stuck to my hand." |
| |
"I thought his name was dirtbag." |
| |
"You have to turn up the carbon monoxide." |
| |
"Since when do losers get a thank you speech?" |
| |
"If you hit it hard enough, something's gotta go in." |
| |
"Once you clean your eyes out, you can't go back to sleep." |
| |
"Let's get this starty parted." |
| |
"I can't believe your beer ejaculated before you did." |
| |
"I got my ass smacked by some guy while peeing in the boys' bathroom." |
| |
"You're gonna let a quitter smoke by himself?" |
| |
"I don't think all the synapses were firing from her head to her ass and back to her head." |
| |
"Peppermint Patty!...dike." |
| |
"Isn't she originally from Jerky?" |
| |
"Most people are British." |
| |
"He's 6'5" and proportionate." |
| |
Guy at bar: Come back with me. Who are you
again? |
| |
"You are so last
week." |
| |
"I don't know
what I'm doing yet because I don't know what I'm doing." |
| |
"I can't believe
I'm not sick of you yet." |
| |
"Didn't you ever
notice that - as you get older - your sneezes get better?" |
| |
"If I orgasmed
every time I sneezed, I'd be snorting pepper all the time." |
| |
"But I was drunk
and had hearing problems." |
| |
"Would it be
rude if I took a nap at this party?" |
| |
"The toilet
always wins." |
| |
"Why does our
entire relationship revolve around lying down?" |
| |
Kurt (to Al): I
want you to know - this party was all my doing.
Dar: What exactly did you do?
Kurt: I called Bern. |
| |
"Don't waste
good gimmicks on ugly chicks." |
| |
John: What does
'beach water' look like?
Cami: It's water you take to the beach. |
| |
"I'm sure it's
national, but I'm not sure." |
| |
Dude: Will you
marry me?
Dar: Well, okay, but I'll need my own room. |
| |
"Excuse me, didn't I pick you up hitchhiking last night?" |
| |
"If you don't make out with
him, I will." |
